If You Do Not Breath, Then So Shall Not I
by Miss-Evening
Summary: A "what if" AU, in which Jack dies. Pitch cannot handle the loss of him, and ends up committing suicide. Their bond, their love, It was forever bound into their souls, Bound like a red thread. Streaming like a liquor in their blood, But thicker than blood itself. For the boy had forever become a part of Pitch, And there where no way, that he would be able to survive…


**Told from Pitch's POV, in the last moments of his life...**

**And how he and Jack shared their last moment together.**

**I'm just gonna warn you one more time, that if you're heavily triggered by blood, death and suicide, then I do not recommend reading this oneshot.**  
**At your own risk.**

**And if you don't have those triggers, then you're free to go!**  
**In fact, I would love to, if you read through it to the end... **  
**Trust me, it HURT A LOT to write this one.**  
**BUT, it was worth it!**  
**Enjoy! (Or... well, how you know say it in this case...)**

* * *

Jack… Jack… I'm falling apart… No… I'm fading… I'm fading away…

I'm slowly dying from within… I'm dying for you, my love…

* * *

My Jack… It's been six months… Six months since I… S-since I… I last held you in my arms…

J-Jack… you were so cold… I could feel it.

I could feel it all, from you resting upon my chest… to my arms holding you so close… so close and tight to my very fingertips digging into your skin, that only got cooler…

And just… JUST… as I couldn't hold back my very emotions, tears and agony… of my love for you… It all affects me the same as today.

As I am writing this… this… letter… tears are falling, blending out the ink on the paper… and to be honest, I'm not even sure if this is readable.

I'm not even sure why I write this… It's not that you can read it anyway.

* * *

Jack… I remember our last moment all too clear. And when I close my eyes, the vision of you in my arms… it's all glass clear, burnt into my mind…

Your blood poured out… making a puddle on the white snow, surrounding us… the blood from the wound of the spear that… had hit you… right through your abdomen and your back.

That spear from our enemy…

Your clothes got all covered in blood… as well as me holding you. Holding you like it was the last thing I could do…

I remember I screamed out loud… as I had fiercely removed the spear from your body, and held you…

M-My Jack… m-my poor Jack… you were so fragile… so weak… and… I… I… I…

All I could do… was watching life running out of your body, your soul leaving earth… in… a matter of minutes…

Thick snow was falling from the sky… It was snowing… a-and… if it wasn't for the fact that what had just happened to you in front of me… I would have admired its beauty, and how the street light above us gave it such a beautiful shimmer in the snow…

But… seeing you like that… it was not beautiful… It was… the most… horrific vision I have ever had in my entire, long, long life…

* * *

My love… I held you so close… I couldn't believe what was happening. The shock was too immense… and so is still my sorrow…

Then… Then I heard your voice, speaking to me ever so softly… My immediate reaction to it was to lift my face that I had dug into your neck, and look you right into your very eyes…

And as I did… I felt you lift your beaten, heavily exhausted and shaking arms, placing each hand on my cheeks… trying to shush down my loud whimpers…

"D-Don't cry, Pitch… Please, don't cry… Please, Pitch…" You said with your so precious voice… Though, I could hear you swallow down your cries, hiding them in your throat, and your voice was trembling… But your body was trembling so much more…

"Don't cry… I had a great life… A-and Pitch… I'm so happy I could share it with you… You… You gave my life a new meaning… And… And I never thought I would ever meet someone who understood me the way you did… You saw through me! You saw right through me inside and out… and yet… you accepted me! It… It… It completed me! You completed me, Pitch! You… You became a-a part o-of me… And only you can understand how much that means to me… and how much YOU mean to me…"

"Jack! Jack don't talk! Don't talk! Please! Pl-" I tried to silence you… It hurt too much! I did not accept what was happening! I WAS NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU! I could not allow you to talk to me like that! I tried to deny it all, as I looked into your beautiful eyes… Mesmerizing, bright, azure blue eyes… glossy by how you held back your tears… and mine never ceasing to fall, just like now…

But you just kept on speaking to me… as your voice became even more trembling.

"I-I'm so grateful, Pitch! For you accepting me! A-and for you loving m-me! A-a-a-and m-most of all… M-most of all, for you allowing me to love you back!"

Then, when you finished your sentence, you could finally not hold back your tears… I could see them fall over your pale cheeks… Your skin was so much paler than how you used to look… It was white, just like your hair… just like the snow falling from the sky… The snow surrounding us that freezing cold winter night…

The next moment, you leaned your head over, closed your eyes… and gave me one last kiss, as it silenced my whimpers.

It was deep, so deep… Taking my breath away, as I felt the taste of blood from your mouth transfer to mine… I closed my eyes… Letting one of my hands reach up and caress your cheek, rubbing my thumb gently, drying your tears, as mine only kept falling.

You replied by moving your hands off my face… and wrapping your arms tightly around my neck.

It was like time had stopped, and the kiss felt like forever…

* * *

When you ended the kiss, you only backed away with your lips just a tiny bit, for them to not touch mine, and whispered to me… those words…

Those words… That have haunted me every single moment, for six month now… You whispered them to me… And as you did, my heart shattered into infinity of pieces.

"Pitch… Pitch Black… If this wasn't the end for me… then I would have asked you to marry me… Y-Yes, I would… Because I cannot see a future without you… B-b-but it will end all here… S-s-so…"

Your breathing suddenly became so deep… and you… you… you took your last breaths of life…

"I want you to know, that I love you, Pitch… I love you… I love you more than anything else i-in the world… I-I love you so much… I love y-you! I love you! I love you! I-I love-…"

My shock had finally settled down… as reality… hit my like a bolt in my spine…

Your grip around me loosened… and your head leaned back… as… your eyes were half open… starring into the complete nothingness.

"JACK?! JACK?! JAAACK! JAAAAAACK! NO… NO! NO! PLEASE! JACK! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME, JACK! JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

It was all over… You were, and are now… forever gone…

And since immortals like us… if we die, our bodies do not stay on earth, but literally fade away, and cease to exist…

* * *

Jack… My precious, beautiful Jack…

Your body became transparent… and in a few seconds… I was no longer holding you in my arms…

You were gone forever… and I spent the rest of the night lying in the cold snow. In your puddle of blood… I was screaming my voice out, to just… desperately get you back…

But no. Gone. Forever… You were, and you are, gone forever…

* * *

Jack… Saying that it "hurts" is not enough for me… to say how much I love and miss you…

Yes… Jack, I would've married you… You know I would.

You know I would marry you without doubt.

You would've been MINE. Mine forever.

Our love was like a red thread of fate; we could not escape, only accept it.

And so we accepted each other, and let the love binding us together; becoming 'one'.

* * *

You were so beautiful.

Beautiful from head to toes. Inside and out.

I miss your eyes… glowing full of life, hope and passion.

I miss your smile… you laugh, your touch.

I miss your voice… speaking to me so soothingly in the darkest times, and so cheerful and loving during the brightest times, offering the greatest company and friendship.

I miss your body… holding it close to mine, heating you up, both with sex, and just so I could feel your heart beat next to mine.

I miss your soul… accepting me for who I am, inside and out… and still being here… never letting go.

I miss you.

Jack… I miss you…

* * *

I have come to realize, that I can't survive without you…

After all… you were a part of me… And when you died… so did that part of me.

And because of that Jack, I'm dying from within.

I'm fading. I'm dying for you, my love…

* * *

Jack…

My beautiful, precious Snowflake…

I am so sorry…

But this letter will be the end for me.

* * *

I don't know anything, about what happens after death.

If your soul lives on, or if it all just ends forever.

However, one thing is sure…

If this is the end, then I'm glad for it to be.

But…

If this is the beginning, of something greater than an immortal life, then I will come for you.

And I will be by your side forever.

* * *

Forever.

I promise, Jack.

Forever.

* * *

I love you.

* * *

**OW. OW. OW.**  
**...This was not fair to my OTP...**

**Anyway, I want to make one thing clear here; what is supposed to be beautiful here, is NOT Jack's death, and neither Pitch committing suicide.**  
**What I find beautiful, is their strong, loyal. and passionate love they had for each other. **  
**And I hope you could see that!**

**P.S - The "enemy" in this story, is the main enemy, antagonist in Catch My Fall, but, more about that, if you're interested in reading that story (...Which I would be thankful if you did, but I'm not forcing you. And, I can assure you that one will, despite all the angst, have a happy ending.).**

** *EDIT* - ALSO, just to point out, that in this fic, Pitch has become freed from the fearlings possessing his /**  
**So he's basically not exactly the villain we used to know him for in the books and movie... since he also remembers his past as Kozmotis Pitchiner... I would however not call him a "hero"...**

**If you liked what you read, then please leave a comment and/or kudos. Any kind of support means a lot! 3**  
**Thank you for reading!**


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